Other Hearst Subscriptions The Sopranos Sara Hall Smashes American Masters Marathon Record Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. Now others, who watched the prequel without studying the series ad nauseum, are going back and starting the drama from the beginning. And if you haven’t seen it yet, you should.
But for now, I would like you to tune into a 2-minute, 41-second clip of season one episode 13 where Mikey Palmice, a soldier in Junior Soprano’s crew, goes for a run and gets whacked.
I would argue, as a half-Italian, New Jersey-born runner, that this is potentially one of the greatest scenes of running on television. First, never before has a mobster been whacked while enjoying a leisurely run. Second, Mikey P. is probably one of the worst “runners” ever. His character is deplorable. His final words to his wife before he embarks on his run are, “go take a Midol.” (She will later, after his death, tell police that he “told me he loved me” and that he was so excited to try out his new running shoes, How to Run Safely on Roads and Trails.)
Some of what makes this scene so great is the mixture of the macabre with humor, which is often what produced the best of The Sopranos. But it also has complexity that goes beyond the scene at hand as well as classic mob elements that appeal to those of us who love Casino and Goodfellas.
Let’s break down they key takeaways.
The Prerun Stretch
Immediately after bidding his wife farewell, Mikey decides to warm up. He grabs his right foot to perform a quad stretch, then his left. That is all. It takes about half-a-second. Why even do this? How do these two milli-second long static stretches performed without form or balance help him? Has he not heard of a dynamic warmup?
USATF to Elect New President Amid Budget Deficit Erica Coviello about Mikey’s prerun routine. Coviello is also from New Jersey and about one-quarter Italian. She expressed several areas of concern. His ankles are unstable, he is overdressed, he wears an incredible amount of jewelry, and his cell phone is exceptionally large even for 1999, she says. And, in response to his wobbling prerun stretch: “Falling over does not count as a dynamic movement.”
During this brief warmup, we can hear Mikey cough and wheeze. Since he is chain smoker, this run feels…surprising. “But kudos to him for trying to counteract some of that damage!” says Coviello. Perhaps this was going to mark a new beginning for Mikey P. The world will never know.
The Dog
Many runners deal with aggressive dogs while running. As Mikey takes off down the road, an adorable Rottweiler named Nips lunges toward him. Mikey sidesteps him, yells, and continues about his run.
The Running Form
Mikey’s running form is awful. Coviello and I made a list of the most atrocious problems so that you can prevent yourself from making these same mistakes.
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- His hands flap up and down. While it’s good they are relaxed, this indicates that he is not actually moving his arms. The lack of arm swing The Many Saints of Newark.
- He is running on the wrong side of the road, which is against the law in New Jersey. In the absence of sidewalks, runners are supposed to run against traffic for their own safety. This of course ranks among the very least of his legal troubles.
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- He is totally unaware of his surroundings, which leads to…
The Slow Cadillac
Basically, out of nowhere, a Cadillac appears on the tree-lined road where Mikey has decided to run. Mikey actually looks like a runner for a second as he attempts to inhale the country Jersey air. (By the way, places like this do exist in the Garden State, I swear.) He is at last serene and at one with the pavement.
Perhaps he has miraculously reached flow state within a quarter mile, but somehow he doesn’t notice the V-8 motor humming behind him until it’s basically on his heels. Instead of moving to the side of the road like any normal runner would, he cranes his neck to see the car. He picks up the pace and within seconds, it clicks—a Cadillac, a secluded road, the dead-eyed faces of Tony Soprano’s crew watching him from behind—this is now a run for his life. He turns to look at them again, pivots, then takes off in something of a sprint Running in the Cold.
Suddenly It’s a Trail Run
As Mikey skip-hops his way into the woods, the Cadillac comes to an abrupt stop. Christopher Moltisanti bolts from the passenger’s seat. Paulie Gaultieri is close behind.
What a fantastic run this is turning out to be! Not everyone gets the opportunity to transition from roads to trail while out logging their everyday miles. Granted, this is truly a trail of Mikey’s own making, and what ultimately is his death march, but the fall colors, scattered leaves, brisk air—it certainly beats Satriale’s pork store in terms of places to get whacked.
The Attire
I feel it prudent to pause for a moment to admire how Christopher and Paulie were prepared for this incredible adventure. It’s doubtful they knew that Mikey would be going on a run that afternoon. I mean, these guys are not known for their prime athleticism. Until this moment in The Sopranos, the only physical activity the crew participates in is Christopher curling 8-pound dumbbells in the back of Satriale’s and Tony bench-pressing so much weight that he screams in agony loud enough for his entire neighborhood to hear. Thus, it was serendipitous that both Christopher and Paulie wore their tracksuits on this occasion. It should also be noted here that they revolutionized athleisure before athleisure was even a thing.
Christopher Moltisanti Is Really Fast
Who knew that Christopher could bust into a full sprint, running through the woods at a 6-minute mile pace, with a fully loaded Smith & Wesson 5946, weighing in at 38.3 ounces? This man chain smokes, drinks, occasionally does drugs, probably has a backup piece strapped to his ankle, and is still so speedy! (Makes you wonder if Junior would’ve thought Christopher had the makings of a varsity athlete.)
Coviello is particularly impressed by Christopher’s form. “His arm swing is nearly perfect,” she says. “His elbows come back to 90 degrees, then stay close to his body. He is propelled forward and easily catches up to Mikey, who is basically flailing.”
The End
The run ends how many trail runs end (for me at least): Mikey P. trips and falls into a shallow creek and writhes around in E.coli-infested waters. Weighed down by his windbreaker and long pants, he cannot manage to get on his feet before Christopher points a gun at him. Paulie hustles onto the scene announcing that he is covered in poison ivy. At last, Mikey meets his end.
The scene will forever haunt my heart. I wonder, would Mikey still be alive today if he had just quit smoking and met with a physical therapist or coach to improve his form? Would he have been able to lift his legs higher if he spent a bit more time performing a true dynamic warmup? Mikey represents the best of the worst in running, which is why these few minutes are the greatest moments of running on TV.
