Those who know me well understand that, for most of my life, I have had a love-hate relationship with running. (Those of you who don't know me well will be able to learn about that tumultuous relationship in the autobiography I have coming out in October.) To put it simply, I am like many of you: some days I love running so much I could cry, other days I never want to lace up my trainers again.
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Races & Places, As you may recall. This injury tested me, mentally and emotionally, in new ways. The depression that this injury induced in me was, perhaps, the worse I have ever suffered. I fought hard each day via cross training and rehab exercises with the hope that they would get me past this overuse injury.
Ultimately, the injury won, and I was left exhausted and emotionally drained. I felt I had no other option but to throw in the towel. The frustrations and helplessness that this stubborn injury made me feel got to be too much, and I felt that it would be easier to simply give in. So one day I did. In early June I "retired" from the sport of running.
For a moment all of my problems were solved. I was no longer a slave to the training. I was free to do whatever I wanted each day! My knee injury didn't really matter any more, because it didn't hurt me to go fishing, which is pretty much what I did with all my free time. For a week, I was able to bounce out of the depression that the injury had put me in, and I felt real happiness.
Soon, however, I found myself restless and sinking back into melancholy. I realized that, yes, I had endless free time now, but I lacked structure and purpose in my life, the two things that running had given me for the previous 15 years.
A week into my "retirement," I decided I could not live that way. I dug into my closet for a new pair of Brooks trainers and decided to give running one last try.
Remarkably, when I began my comeback this time my knee no longer hurt. The easy 10-minute run that had sent bolts of lightning through my left leg for the better part of three months suddenly felt fine. I began to build my mileage again and had some of the most transcendent runs of my life.
These first few runs back from injury bordered on religious experiences. I realized what a profound impact running has had on my life and that it would always be a part of me. Running connects me with nature, my church. It gives my life structure and meaning, things that are essential for happiness. Running enhances every moment of life; it makes food taste better, it makes a cold beer more delicious, it even makes sleep more enjoyable.
I have spoken with other elites who have had similar experiences. As professional athletes we are taught to never give up, to fight through anything. However, sometimes it is in finally giving up that we are able to gain perspective, and perhaps, give our bodies the rest that they so badly needed.
As I begin training for my next competition I know that I will again have days that I don't feel like lacing up my running shoes. But now, because of my brief “retirement,” I feel much more prepared for them.
