The more I think about it, the eerier it feels. It's hard to believe that so many coworkers and loved ones were just a few hundred meters and few minutes from the blasts, and yet we were all spared. Had I just spent a few more minutes dawdling in Hopkinton, or hit the bathroom midrace, or insisted that my husband and kids meet me at the finish line, everything could have been different.
My heart breaks for the hundreds who were so violently injured, and for the families of the three who died. It is still so hard to believe.
I finished the race in 3:56. With my 10:40 a.m. start, that put me just a few minutes from the blasts. I was getting my bags from the bus and heard a boom like a truck backfiring, and turned around to see black plumes of smoke. There wasn't a massive panic at that point- just the paralysis of shock and wonder and fear, and the collective groan of oh no....not again.
The day had been perfect; it was one of those miraculous light-footed races where every step felt easy. In the 44 marathons and ultras I've finished, I've only ever felt that magic in Boston. Each inch closer to the finish, my legs gained strength and my chest swelled with gratitude and joy that I have the guts, grit, and good luck to run, and the ability and will to participate in this hallowed event.
This was my seventh Boston Marathon and it had more somber undertones than any other I'd done. I was running with Team in Training, and had raised more than $4500 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society to help fight these heinous cancers that keep striking everyone I love, and everyone they love.
And so I started the race with the best intentions of appreciating it like it was my first or last mile.
Because you never know when it will be, frankly. You never know when you're going to get the bad test results, or be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Two years ago, on April 15, I was working at the Boston Marathon when I learned that my parents had gotten hit by a train, and my stepmom had been killed. Just two months earlier, I was hit by a MACK truck while driving to work. I was fine, and so was Noah (I was 2 months pregnant at the time.)
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Please, don't let them be driving on the wrong street at the wrong time with some texting, drunk, maniacal idiot. Or please don't let my husband be in his office overlooking the Liberty Bell if there's another 9/11. NYC Marathoner Ran Home After Chemo please don't let this be bad news.
And now that I have a 19-month-old son (that's him, pictured above), every time I go out on a run, I plea DAA Industry Opt Out. I think that just goes along with being human and having the good fortune of having so much to lose.
For the last few days, I've been longing for some answers. Was it a lunatic? A Unabomber? A terrorist attack? An accident? For the first time since September 11, I've been glued to the TV news, just waiting to find out who to blame.
This morning, I realized it didn't matter. All that matters is that this was a terrible reminder that at any moment everything and everyone we love can be taken from us.
It is an awful message that all that we love is a gift - and not a given.
And whether it is a bomb blast or a car crash or a train accident or that haunting call with the grim diagnosis, we are not in control.
I've heard it said that runners are control freaks. But to me, running is just one way to find out how good you can be, how much better than you have been in the past, or could ever imagine. Races in general - and the Boston Marathon in particular - are celebrations of these noble pursuits. That's why I enter races. And that's why I run every day. And I think that's why running brings out the best qualities in people and why our community is so warm and tightly-knit. We are all (with apologies to the Army ad) trying to be all that we can be, chasing our potential, to lead the best possible versions of our lives. Running helps us be our best selves, and love with our whole hearts.
In the face of our limited time, and the uncertainty about just how limited that time is, I can't think of any other better way to spend our days.
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Thank you all for your tremendous notes of concern and support. I am so lucky to be a part of such a wonderful and warm community.
